Love At the Movies
Sometimes Mondays Are for Questions

Love in Action

Love Week continues.

Love week

My mom was not a forceful woman. She was quiet. Very loving. She laughed easily and often. And she was very, very kind. To my sister and I, for sure, but to all the people she interacted with. This didn't mean she liked everyone she interacted with. (Because she didn't.) But she was always, always kind to people. 

She used to say two things over and over (and over) as I was growing up:

Treat others like you want to be treated.

You catch more flies with honey.

Oh, how I hated it when she would repeat these mantras. Because as a middle-schooler (for example), I didn't find them to be true. I WAS nice. People weren't nice back. (Such is the way of adolescents.) But I did listen. And although I had hurt feelings a LOT of the time as I was growing up, I did embrace her mantras (even bestowing them on my own children when the time came). I tried hard to be kind. I still do.

Because that's what my mom was talking about.
Simple kindness.

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Kindness and empathy help us relate to other people (even strangers) and help us have more positive relationships with our friends and family, too. I'm sure that's not news to any of you who regularly read along here. It's common sense; it's life sense. (And I'm betting my mom wasn't the only one with those mantras, either.) But did you know that acting with kindness . . . is also good for your health?

  • Kindness releases feel-good hormones. When you do something nice for someone else, you get a little hit of serotonin (the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of satisfaction and well-being). Kind of like when we work out, altruism releases endorphins . . . so we feel better emotionally when we do something nice or helpful for someone else.
  • Kindness helps ease anxiety and stress. I don't know that an act of kindness can stop a panic attack, but it has been proven to ease social anxiety. A study on happiness from the University of British Columbia found that participants who engage in kind acts displayed significant increases in "positive affect" (positive moods like joy, interest, and alertness). The study found that even small gestures can make a big difference when you're feeling a little anxious. Additionally, helping others helps us take a little break from our own life-stressors.When we can get "outside ourselves" - even for a brief period - it helps us build coping mechanisms for dealing with the stresses in our own life. "Prosocial behavior" (any behavior that builds your relationships with others) is an important component of coping with stress.
  • Kindness is good for your physical body. Sure, acting with kindness can "warm your heart," but it also turns out that it can affect the actual chemical balance of your heart. Kindness releases the hormone oxytocin, and according to Dr. David Hamilton, "oxytocin causes the release of a chemical called nitric oxide in blood vessels, which dilates the blood vessels. This reduces blood pressure and therefore oxytocin is known as a 'cardioprotective' hormone because it protects the heart (by lowering blood pressure)." Oxytocin also reduces inflammation in the body, which is associated with also sorts of health problems. Studies have shown that you're at greater risk of heart disease if you don't have a strong network of family and friends in your life. When you're kind to others, you develop more meaningful relationships and friendships . . . which, in the long run . . . can help you live longer.

Bottom line?
My mom was right!
It's simple: Treat others like you want to be treated, and you catch more flies with honey.
Kindness . . . is love in action. So . . . 

  • Be kind to yourself. (We all make mistakes and take missteps.)
  • Lead with compassion. (Recognize our shared human condition.)
  • Choose kindness. (We can't control others, but we can control the way we respond.)
  • And remember that kindness begets more kindness! (Be a good example.) (Which was another of my mom's mantras, actually. . . )

"Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind."
 --- Henry James

Have a great weekend, everyone. May it be filled with love and kindness!

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In my research for this post, I discovered that February 14-20, 2021 is Random Acts of Kindness Week. You can learn more about the week by clicking here (Random Acts of Kindness Foundation). The site includes several ideas for specific acts of kindness you can plan for the week, including writing "love notes" (thank you notes) to people who have changed your life for the better and creating "blessing bags" to distribute when you encounter someone in need (filled with small items that might be useful to someone temporarily displaced from a permanent home, for example). 

 

 

 

Comments

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Carole

Funny you would mention oxytocin, it was the answer to a trivia question Hannah posed at last night's Kiwanis zoom meeting. Thanks for reminding us that there are many ways to be kind and that ALL of them are good, not just for others but for ourselves, too.

Vicki

One of the guys my mom dated when I was in high school described me as kind, which was... unimpressive at the time! Not that I wanted to be thought of as UNkind but, you know, something a bit more edgy or glamorous. Now, of course, I see that for high praise!

It's been a lovely series of posts, Kym!! Happy Valentine's Day (and Everyday) to you & Tom!

Bonny

I wish I could have met your mother, but I'm betting that you are like her in many ways. Those are good mantras, but sometimes so difficult to put into practice. Thank you for the reminder and for random acts of kindness week. I'm on a roll with thank you notes and the mailman and nice cashier at the grocery store might be getting one!

Patty

This has been a great week Kym! And thanks for the info on RAOK for next week. I'm going to make a point of walking the walk! Have a nice Valentine's Day weekend. xoxo

kim in oregon

Thanks for these important reminders!

Shirley

I’ve really enjoyed reading your week of love postings. They give a whole new twist to the meaning of Valentine’s Day. Thank you.

Dee

I *hope* people think that I am kind. I sure do try to be.

I am thinking that the traits that serve us well in adult life probably were not much appreciated in the junior high school world. I can remember quite a few unkind kids, but I would take a flyer and say most of them probably turned out alright as adults.

Mary

I love that you brought your mom into this post ... in such a meaningful way. Truly, Be Kind. It's one of the best lessons we can practice, and pass on!

Sarah

Your mom sounds like one amazing lady -- and she was absolutely right! I have tried to go out of my way to be kind to people especially during the pandemic, because I know how much we are all struggling, but it really should be something we should do even under the best circumstances. It costs nothing but makes everyone feel better. And we really can't know what someone else may be going through, so a kind word or a smile might make all the difference for them.

kathy b

Those are all amazing points. Hmmmmmm, I have a box of boys/men shirts that I am sure a family down the road would use.....maybe I'll drop them off. you'e inspired me.

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