Well. . .
Pausing for Some Poetry

On Unraveling

Yesterday, I thought about putting together an Unraveled post.

And then I didn't.

After a significant amount of reflection, I realized . . . it's ME . . . who's come unraveled.

IMG_9965

(Drawing by Charlie Mackesy and picked up via his Instagram post. You can find more about him and see more about his work here. You can follow him on Instagram here.)

For weeks now, I've been out of sorts.
In a Mood.
A Funk.
Worn down.
Weary.
Drained.
Tired.
Sick. Of. This. Shit.

It's not the "staying at home" part. Because I'm okay with that, really. I mean, I'm an introvert anyway, so it's been easy for me to adapt to just . . . not going anywhere.

I've unraveled . . . because of the ALL of it.

The lack of a coordinated response to the pandemic.
The politics of Every. Stinking. Thing.
The lack of kindness and compassion and empathy.
The ugliness of people.
The misplaced trust and the telling of lies.
The stupid-ness. (Really, it's the stupid-ness.)

(I think the secret police thing, though? I think that was the last straw for me.)

I unraveled.

I lost hope.

So. I've been taking some time to sort through a whole lot of feelings. Trying to work my way out of a good, old funk. Trying to find my flow (be like water, my friend). Trying to get back to what grounds me (I'm rooted, but I flow).

But, oh my. What a struggle it is.

I've been pulling a lot of weeds and escaping to the lake and balancing my chakras and working out and meditating and doing yoga every damn day and reading poetry and knitting silly little things and journaling. And I think I might be finding my way back. Or . . . beginning to. I'm sleeping better (which helps a lot). I'm ignoring (most of) the news. And I'm starting to think about blogging again.

I'm still having a hard time finding hope. (But I'm feeling like I can begin searching again.)

So. That's where I am.

Unraveled.

But ready to re-wind.

 

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Carole

I had a feeling you were in a dark place. I'm glad you are making your way through it and I'm glad you shared how it's been for you. I'm struggling too, somewhat, and even on vacation it's hard to forget what's going on with the world. And Dale. It's a LOT. Love you.

Vera

Good to hear from you Kim. I had guessed that you were struggling with it ALL and I'm glad you feel/think you are finding your way back. There is so much that is wrong and so much that is going on. It's often difficult to even think about let alone acknowledge. That picture and quote are perfect though - the blue sky never leaves. Have faith and hope. I'm rooting for you. xoxo

Patty

It's all just ugh. I'm happy you're looking for and finding hope. And I agree with you the best word for right now is just stupid. Here's a hug and some good juju to help you make your way my friend. xoxo

Denise

Same here. It’s going around. I‘m in a funk too. And i agree, it’s the incredible stupidness that’s the hardest to bear.
How can things be so wrong. Messed up.
Glad that you’ve been able to step back from it all for perspective.
And knitting.
Take care

Julia in KW

I feel ya! I am cranky for no specific reason, I start to knit something and in a day or two, I pull it all out! Socks and dishcloths with bad words are about the extent of my ability to knit right now! Hang in there! There will be light! I’m counting on it!

Geri

Kym, it is truly hard to look at our country at this time and wonder how so much could have gone wrong. Stupid is surely the word! You are not alone in your struggle to regain footing and bring the hope of blue skies back.

Debbie

I thank you for sharing this because I've been having a hard time as well. It seems so easy to just slip into despair, and that's a really hard place to be. I hope for you and I hope for me and I hope for all of us that things will get better soon.

Juliann

It is so hard to see the lack of pulling together. I want us to rise up and take care of one another and kindness, yes please! You have spoken well. Thanks you

Chloe

This state of forced semi-inertia is not good for anybody, I don't think. Hope you are able to fight through your current funk, Kym. Stay with Hope. It's sometimes all that any of us have to get through the day. Faith and charity can't hurt, either. (Lord, I sound like a Sunday morning preacher.)

Sarah

Every day I am thankful for my "happy meds" because they are keeping me from being in a very dark place right now. This country is really a huge stinking mess right now. I expect a certain level of awfulness from the federal government for obvious reasons, but what saddens me the most is the widespread lack of concern for our fellow human beings. We may be able to change who's in the White House and the Congress, but what really needs to change is the general mindset of our citizens.

Anyway, I hope you are able to continue to do what's working for you and know that you're not alone in your despair. I hope brighter days are ahead.

Vikki H

Exactly! This is exactly how I have been feeling. I call “the doldrums.” This introvert has stopped watching, listening, consuming news. Someone will let me know if something B.I.G. happens. Back on my mat, knitting, laughing more, and reading things that are good for my spirit.

Thank you for introducing us to Charlie Mackesy. What delightful work.

Bonny

Unraveling seems to be the norm now, but that doesn't mean it's healthy or good for any of us to feel that way. I had lost most of my hope even before the secret police, and if I'm honest, the only things keeping me afloat now are calls with my kids and twice weekly calls with my therapist. Working out, yoga, poetry, meditation, and the lake are all good for you, and don't hesitate to reach out to a counselor if the no hope continues. Sending all the good juju for finding some hope and re-winding.

Vicki

Oh yeah. While I really enjoyed my short-lived "at home" period (and could get used to that forever in a heartbeat), I am sometimes grateful for work and the routine & distraction it provides. Luckily, it is very low risk and I feel safe. But, man, some days are soooooo hard. Happy re-winding, Kym. xoxo

Anne


Thank you for having the courage and insight to pen these words.
You are not alone.

Annette

Aye, the “out-of-sorts, the funk, the cranky, the doldrums . . . “. Those are the words and the feelings, but the whole darn thing still is there - the “getting whacked” feeling is ever presented these days.
But, I’m relieved someone can say the feeling in a down to earth way.
Sometimes my thoughts are just wrangled, and to have them said “out-loud” is clarifying; summarized and succinct.
I also, am not sure if I’m “there’, but finding my knitting or reading jive helps, whatever it takes to get us hopeful, writing and sharing helps.
Thanks to all.

Sandy

Feel exactly the same, however, I am glad to see that I am not alone.

Kat

The secret police (errr, illegally armed militants??) have pushed me over the edge as well. Thank you for this post...the struggle is real. But we are almost a hundred days from the election. (of course I am worried about how much worse it can get between now and then... and I am no longer fooling myself, I am expecting it to be so incredibly bad...)

I am working on planking in solidarity with RBG...it gives me a much better thing to focus on!

Sending you love. So.much.love.

Bridget

Take care. I understand completely.

Lou Williams

But you're fine with rioters destroying property,ruining small businesses and injuring the police!

kmkat

{{{hugs}}}

Carolyn Seymour Thomas

I'm glad to see you here today...to read your wise words about taking time and your openness about the hard parts. So much of the work is easier said than done. I know, for me, sleep is #1. It helps me approach the rest of it. But sometimes--like when we become a police state, for crying out loud--it starts to feel, well, quite simply, like a giant WTF (for lack of more graceful words. Or, maybe, those ARE the most graceful words for it).
Glad you got to the water. xo

Mary

Having the little boys has been a GODSEND these past weeks. Not only does it give me something useful to do, it exhausts me (in a good way), keeps me away from the news, and gives me something to blog about. I envy you the UpNorth. We are actively searching for lake homes!

Margene Smith

That FEAR. Man, oh man, that fear. It grips me and squeeeeezes me. I have been distracting myself and severely limiting my news intake. I am reading, visiting with neighbors and friends as much as possible. Laughing with friends is the BEST medicine. And, in ways that I can, I am helping my local favorite spots (curb side pick up for books, tea, bakery items, and other fun stuff. Life really is beautiful, AND good, and I am concentrating on that (and Mylo).

The comments to this entry are closed.