Not Unraveling . . . Yet
Poetry in Motion

Traffic is Light

I'm trying not to whine these days. I'm trying really, really hard to look for joy. To maintain my optimism. To be cheer-filled and hopeful.

But. Ugh. It's so hard some days.

(Especially when you get an attack of diverticulitis in the middle of a global pandemic and have to take a 10-day course of TWO antibiotics and can't have even a sip of alcohol for the duration.) (Like . . . not a drop.)

So today?  I'm just gonna whine.  

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Here are three things I miss the most while self-isolating:

1 - My car.  This one surprises me.  But last weekend, I got into my car for the first time in almost two weeks to deliver some groceries to my Dad (I can't visit, but I can leave a grocery delivery).  I got in my car, checked to make sure I had my disinfecting wipes handy, buckled myself in, pressed the START button -- and cried.  I guess it's not my car that I miss so much, but the freedom it represents.  And how casually I used to just . . . hop in.  And take off for . . . anywhere.  I really, really miss that!

2 - The gym.  This one does not surprise me.  I'm working out every day here at home.  We have a little gym set up in our basement, and I go on long walks with JoJo every day, and thank-you-Adrienne for your yoga videos . . . but it's just not the same.  I miss the equipment and the energy and the discipline that comes with my gym. My phone still reminds me of my gym classes - "traffic is light" (no kidding) - which makes it worse.  I suppose I should just remove all those reminders. But I'm not quite ready to let go. (Sigh.)

3 - My art classes.  This one doesn't surprise me, either.  I don't NEED to have a class to be able to "art" -- and I have space all set up here at home to draw and paint and dabble to my heart's content.  But I miss the camaraderie of my classmate and friends.  And the structure of going to class and doing the "homework."  And I really miss the inspiration of my teacher's tutorials and assignments -- and the work everyone else is doing.  And you know what else?  I haven't painted a thing since my last art class.

(I'd include my local library, too . . . except I haven't missed it yet.  I'm still working through the stack of books I picked up the day before it closed. This might be the only time I've been happy about having all my "holds" become available at the same time.)

How about YOU?  What are you missing most right about now?

==

Note: I almost didn't share this post today.  I thought long and hard about just trashing it . . . because I know the things on my list - and probably the things on many of your lists, too - are minor inconveniences in the life of a highly privileged person lucky enough to be self-isolating at home during the pandemic. I know there are people all over the world missing so very much more than trite things like their car, their gym, and their art classes right now.

But in the end, I decided to hit "publish" anyway.  I see this blog as another way for me to journal -- to capture and remember what the days are like for me.  And today?  This is where I am. 

In upcoming days, I'm planning to talk a lot more about comparative suffering (something I really learned about while going through cancer treatment), and also suggest a few ways we might be able to help others who are suffering through this pandemic without resources.

So.
Let's just take a breath, support each other (wherever we are) . . .  and collectively whine together!  

Comments

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Kat

I don't know which is worse - a bout of diverticulitis or no cocktails (or a global pandemic) but I am pretty sure one of those things should never happen concurrently with the other two things!

And, I think it is way better to get these feelings out, versus bottling them inside. I think it is 1000% okay to be sharing these inconveniences (none of which are minor at all!) Collectively whining (or sharing, perhaps) is the best way to support each other... to listen...to hear...and to be silent versus give some glib advice about getting over it.

I am here...breathing with you, listening. xoxo

Sarah

Ugh, Kym, I hope you're feeling better soon!

I'm strangely missing going to work, even though it's really not my favorite place and I'm still working at home. It's something about physically getting up and going somewhere each day, plus the camaraderie, as you said. Doing my job also isn't as easy on the computer -- I deal too much with actual paper and prefer it that way, so it's harder to do it on a screen.

Vera

No need to apologize Kym. We are all going through this together and each of us is missing other things. I just wish you felt better immediately and could have a drink!!

I am fortunate in that I am not really missing anything right now (except seeing Colin & Mailing and getting together with Dee for knitting and coffee). I'm loving working from home as it gives me the freedom to walk during the day, go upstairs to do my 30 minute workout, to go outside and shoot some archery. I love being home with Fletch. Plus, I'm an introvert and a homebody, so I'm comfortable.

BUT...I understand what you are missing and can see how you would mourn the loss of those things. Hopefully this will all be over shortly (if only people would help to flatten the curve!).

Take care!!

Patty

Oh Kym. What a sad double whammy. :-( And whine away...it's kinda tough. My friend turned 50 on Tuesday and her husband arranged a parade by the house. Over 100 cars came out to drive by, one cruiser and a fire truck. I think that single event significantly lifted the mental health of all who were involved. I know it's helped me this week! And yes....I miss the gym sooooo much! xoxo

Bonny

I think diverticulitis and no alcohol definitely grants you extra whining points. And I'm not even sure that's whining; it's more like sharing our communal inconveniences while recognizing that others are not nearly as fortunate as we might be. I hope you feel better and can drink again soon. I'm missing Ryan, freedom, and the absence of fear.

Geri

Let’s face it if you can’t have wine, it should be ok to whine! Especially Now! Hope the antibiotics will kick the diverticulitis away.
Coping with this pandemic, means we must acknowledge how much we miss the daily routines and activities we can no longer do. This is real loss for each of us as individuals. I so miss my yoga class even though they are producing daily YouTube videos for us. I realized when I had to give up going to class in November that my joy in going was the people I met there. A few have emailed me but it was so nice to have a quite conversation before or after class. BTW I miss the freedom of my car, too.

Carole

Oh man! No alcohol? Good grief that's a lot to bear. And I'm SO glad you brought up comparative suffering because I was about to tell you that you absolutely have the right to be sad about the things you are dealing with, it doesn't diminish anyone else's difficulties. Love you.

Bridget

Well, even if you don't feel emotionally better, I hope your diverticulitis is starting to behave itself. Take care.

And never apologize for feeling bad when others could have it worse. That does not mean that your feeling and concerns are not valid.

Our library branch was closed for renovations late in January and was supposed to open mid-March. Then, a construction issue pushed it back to April 6. Then the whole system closed while were were told to stay home. I don't miss much else, but boy do I miss being able to go to the library, or even put something on hold!

Mary

Oh Kym ... I hope you're on the mend! I got in the car for the 2nd time in a month yesterday and it felt anxious weird (as opposed to the excited weird when I drove after my broken foot). (and then I had a glass of wine when I got home)

We are ALL grieving things and I am glad you pushed publish. I'm sure you heard Brené preach about comparative suffering. I always feel especially privileged at this time of year because of the way I can celebrate Easter. Empathy can be infinite. and feeling our own feelings is the way we start.

xo.

Dee

There are two things I miss ..........

Being able to check up on my father-in-law, IN PERSON. First they closed down the nursing home (to keep safe). Then he ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks (non-Covid related), then because he couldn't go back to HIS nursing home (they have COVID-19 on his floor), he is at another facility. He is scared, he doesn't understand, and he isn't able to use a phone very well (dementia). I miss knowing with my own eyes that he is as okay as he can be. The nursing staff at the hospital and the new nursing facility are TOP NOTCH, but I'd like to see it for myself.

And much more selfishly -------------I want to eat in a RESTAURANT, a real sit down, they bring you menus, you get what you order and someone else cleans it all up. Yeah ..... THAT!

Hope you have a good weekend and a happy Easter.

deekissinger.blogspot.com

Dee

P.S. Diverticulitis is the WORST. Hope you are feeling better soon.

Pam

I was just talking to some people online last night, about the tension between not dragging other people down, and being honest about the fact that this is hard and if we have any intelligence and imagination at all, scary. Thanks for your honesty -- I hope you feel better soon. And when you do - let's lift a glass to when this will be OVER!

Also, I think we get to mourn our losses without having the WORST. Although I keep being reminded of a book my kids liked when they were little, called "Could Be Worse" (James Marshall, I think). It's less funny when things keep GETTING worse. Hang in there.

I miss my kids -- even though I wouldn't be seeing them just now. And I'm sad about not getting to go to my daughter's law school graduation in NYC next month. Even though I totally agree it would be a bad idea to hold it this year.

Chloe

Oh Kym, as a "Senior" that is what I fear the most. Some medical malady that will compromise my ability to adjust to this new normal. Hope you are feeling better by now! Sounds like the end is in sight. My alcohol supply is virtually depleted so I try to take joy in other things. It is very interesting to see how socially-related most of your deprivations are and how they play themselves out in ways that are unique to you - the art class reference, for example. We are so privileged these days, technology, modern medicine, better frozen pizza. In the end it's still about other people.

Juliann

I hope you see what a good idea it was to hit publish. Hope you are on the mend very soon. And I agree with others, it is good for our mental health to speak these truths out. Take care.

Carolyn Seymour Thomas

Oh, no. I'm so sorry--that no alcohol thing... Because, geez! That's just a bummer. Maybe kombucha? That could be a sorta substitute? I mean, you need SOMETHING. Here's hoping to time flying (and no discomfort from the flare-up.)
I had my first brief cry yesterday. My exercise space was usurped by a kiddo who needed the TV for a homework project, and I was feeling out of sorts after a TeleHealth appt for my daughter. I just needed to GET OUT and GET MOVING, you know? So I tied my shoes and hit the sidewalk--only to realize I didn't have my mask. Then I searched everywhere--and couldn't find it. I spent about 20 mins, it was fruitless. My husband gave me our last disposable, but by then it was hard for me to breathe WITHOUT the damn mask, my prescription sunglasses were fogging up, and I was just so frustrated. For the first time. All I wanted to do was go outside, out of my front yard--but I felt trapped. Blech. (Thanks for the space, Kym...and the timing. Get well wishes! xo)

britt

You can whine, you can admit it sucks because denying that it sucks doesn't actually make it not suck. I'm sorry to hear about the diverticulitis and I hope things move in a better direction. Keep posting, we need to document all the things, not just the positives because our lives are more colorful than just the bright happy all the time

Margene

Hope you are feeling better, Kym! We all deserve to be able to moan and bitch about our "new" lives. This time is just so out of the ordinary, but as I said to a friend the other day...first world problems. We were talking about lack of mani-pedis and haircuts and that we were paying our stylists and manicurist anyway. They are among those without incomes during this time and they truly can use that $50 or whatever you pay per month. I can be shaggy for awhile, but she needs to pay the bills. Be well! xo

Jane

I hope you are on the mend soon. I don't think we should feel badly about the things we miss. We are all aware of our blessings but it is ok to be sad too. I don't get to see my kids all that often so am used to texts and FaceTime with them. They are also both very good about keeping in touch and sharing their lives with us but I am sad not to know when "I can get on a plane if I need or want to. . ." feeling. We are in this together with all of its ups and downs.

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