Flowing Through April
It's early. I'm watching some fog roll in. Listening to the morning bird-joy outside. Drinking some coffee.
And thinking about how this year just isn't going in any direction that I thought it would when I cooked up that hopeful pot of black-eyed peas (way) back on January 1. Picking my new word and setting my intentions for the year ahead. Putting future dates and events and trips on my 2020 calendar. Knowing that there would be some surprises in the coming months (because of course there are always surprises out there), but feeling confident in the overall direction of things, and full of hope for a fresh new year.
We know how quickly that all came off the rails now, don't we?
Back in January, when I first started out with my word (flow), I had some loose notions in mind of how I might frame my explorations . . . as I let my word work that One-Little-Word-magic in me. I figured I'd use it as a springboard for thinking about and engaging with things that. . . well . . . flow. Creativity. Work. Yoga. Movement. Water. Words. The moon. There were things I wanted to learn about and think about and DO. I knew, too, that I wanted to renew my commitment to and strengthen my mindfulness practice. I wanted to be more present. I wanted to listen more carefully to my own heart. To let things go. To be less driven by shoulds-and-oughts. And to be okay with all that.
This morning, as I sat there listening to the birds and watching the fog and sipping from my flow-mug, I realized that EVERYTHING has changed.
Except it also hasn't.
The world has changed, certainly. MY world has changed, definitely. But me? I'm still interested in all those same things I was interested in back on January 1. Things that flow. Creativity. Work. Yoga. Movement. Water. Words. The moon. There are still things I want to learn about and think about and DO. Every day, I'm working to strengthen my mindfulness practice. I'm trying to be more present. I'm trying to listen more carefully to my own heart. I'm trying to let things go, now more than ever. I'm certainly less driven by shoulds-and-oughts. I want to be okay with that.
I've realized that I am . . . still ME.
Still . . . THERE.
Sure. The virus is out there and not going away. The economy is in shambles. Our "leader" is incapable of leading us. (And certainly doesn't want to help any of us.) We're basically stuck in a total toxic dumpster fire.
All that crap, though? I've got to let it go. I have to let it flow around me. I've got to keep moving. I've got to find new ways of doing. Of dealing. Of living. As Virginia Woolf said . . .
And that's where I am right now, here at the end of April in 2020.
Working to stay rooted.
While I let things flow.
How about YOU? What are you learning about your word these days?
You can find my earlier One Little Word posts for the year here . . .
Choosing My Word (January)
Getting Started (February)
Be Like Water (mid-March)
Pushing the River (March)
That Virginia Woolf quote - PERFECT!!! Love it. And you are so right. Though so much in our lives has changed in the last 6-8 weeks, we are still...us.
Posted by: Vera | 04/28/2020 at 09:23 AM
I can barely write a blog post these days. It feels like the joy has been sucked out of the simple, ordinary things. Am I still me? Something to think about.
Posted by: Juliann | 04/28/2020 at 09:40 AM
There is so much to let go of these days, and at first they felt like losses. Now it's beginning to feel like I'm letting go of things that need to be shed and going with the flow. Sounds like you are, too.
Posted by: Bonny | 04/28/2020 at 12:33 PM
I am grateful that I've always had a "go with the flow" disposition... it has served me well over the years, and especially well right now. Still, I catch my breath every once in a while when I realize how big that toxic dumpster fire really is and what it all means. I acknowledge, feel sad, do what I can, and keep on going with the flow...
Posted by: Vicki | 04/28/2020 at 12:36 PM
I'm so lame I can't even remember what word I chose...I'm pretty sure it was "next". Like Vicki I also tend to go with the flow but right now has certainly changed next. Travel plans, retirement, all kind of just out there instead of next. But the time will come and we'll make our way just like your word we'll flow along and do what we can to help all of us recover from this.
Posted by: Patty | 04/28/2020 at 12:59 PM
Kym, while reading your post I felt like everything around me just sort of stopped. I guess you would call it poetry. All those poems this month?! They're flowing into your sentences! That's how this post read for me. As poetry. And it was beautiful.
Posted by: Carolyn Seymour Thomas | 04/28/2020 at 04:56 PM
This post is kind of how April was for me - letting go of what is not going to happen, and being okay with that. Finding a new path (one decidedly less traveled) and feeling comfortable there! Thank you for making me stop and think - this was all just so very perfect! (in our horrendously imperfect world right now!)
Posted by: Kat | 04/28/2020 at 06:52 PM
I admire you for being able to let go off all the craziness around you; it's something I'm still working on and haven't been completely successful at yet. I know that, deep down, what makes me me hasn't changed, but so much about my daily life has that it's hard to carry on as normal. I'll keep working at it, though, so thanks for sharing your words and your thoughts.
Posted by: Sarah | 04/29/2020 at 07:20 AM
Look at you. I know how you struggled with this back in March and now? Now, my friend, you are YOU again and I'm so grateful. Thank you, as always, for your wisdom and inspiration.
Posted by: Carole | 04/29/2020 at 07:21 AM
I admit to a day here and there of overwhelm, but by doing, connecting, creating, I am back into the flow of life. Your posts are inspiring and always inform. Thank you for being you.
Posted by: margene | 04/29/2020 at 11:24 AM
reading through all these OLW posts ... it strikes me that we're all a pretty resilient bunch. I love how we're finding meaning, direction, and inspiration in the words we chose with NO IDEA we'd be where we are right now. Which warms my heart for the power of the words. and for the strength we're showing up with. and even knowing what I know now, I'm not sure I would've chosen a different word. and I'm thinking you'd say the same.
Posted by: Mary | 04/30/2020 at 06:10 PM
What a beautiful post Kym. I am working on letting the crap go and trying to find a way to enjoy the good things in my life. You are an inspiration. Like Mary, I find it interesting where these words are taking us since this year has definitely turned many things upside down and wrong side out.
Posted by: Jane | 05/03/2020 at 08:59 PM