Memorial Brew
A Most Spectacular Change in Plans

Like Never Before

(This post . . . is supposed to be accompanied by a soundtrack.  Whenever I include the clip of my chosen video, the entire format of my post goes just wonky.  I am tired of trying to fix it.  So.  Just imagine Songbird playing as you read this post.  Or click one of these versions and listen on You Tube. Christine McVie. Eva Cassidy.)

At the end of June, my mom was in the hospital for the first time - and I was just about to leave on my trip to Scotland and Ireland.  I really needed a "mindful" knitting project.  Something I could stop or start easily.  Something I could memorize quickly.  Something that was portable.

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I decided on the charming-but-seemingly-endless ZickZack Scarf.

I knit through my mom's first hospital stay. A couple of international flights.  In Scotland and Ireland.  Through another, very long hospital stay.  And then through time in skilled nursing/rehab.  A trip to Colorado.  Fretting on the road - or just at home.  Bedside at the hospice facility.

My ZickZack scarf saw it all this summer.   Worry. Hope. Joy. Adventure. Distress. Despair. Sadness.

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When I cast off . . . finally . . . after running out of yarn two days after my mom's passing . . . I thought about giving the scarf away.  Because how could I wear it?  After all the angst and bad juju that was knitted right in?

But then . . . I thought about how much comfort this scarf gave me when I really needed some comfort.  How each time I picked it up . . . a sense of calm came through me.  My fingers knew just what to do - and the stitching brought me comfort and centering.

Besides. . . it turns out that this scarf . . . is the last thing of mine . . . that my mom touched. 

Now, I'm looking forward to the comfort and warmth this scarf will give me whenever I wrap it around my neck.

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For you, there'll be no more crying,

For you, the sun will be shining,

And I feel that when I'm with you,

It's alright, I know it's right

To you, I'll give the world

to you, I'll never be cold

'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,

It's alright, I know it's right.

And the songbirds are singing,

Like they know the score,

And I love you, I love you, I love you,

Like never before.

 

(Ravelry details here.)

Comments

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Vicki

Exactly! And it's beautiful, too. I have a couple of projects like that... bittersweet memories, but mostly sweet. That's what I focus on, anyway... I'm grateful that those projects provided the relief and focus needed at a particular time. I feel all the good things when I wrap that certain shawl 'round my shoulders or pull that colorful blanket over me.
xo

Maggie

your scarf is beautiful, and there is NO WAY you could give it away.... hell, I get a smile on my face and feel better just imaging you wrapping it around your neck!

Carole

Knowing that your mom touched it and was besides you for much of the knitting of it makes it priceless. I was taking my first sewing class when my mom was dying of cancer. I made myself a nightgown and I hustled to get it done so that I could show it to her and make her proud. It's frayed and tattered and no longer wearable but I still have it.

Bonny

Your scarf is beautiful, possibly even more so because of all the emotions and feelings it holds. You've expressed it in such a lovely and peace-filled way, and I'm going to follow your example and focus on the comfort my own knitting affords me as I try to knit on through medical crises. Wear it in warmth, comfort, and love. XO

Pam

You can't always separate the sadness from the love - even the difficult emotions are there because of love. I'm glad you are keeping the scarf.

Songbird (I especially love the Eva Cassidy version, though Christine McVie's voice might have the right edge for its bittersweetness) is just right for the joy and sorrow of real love. And loss.

margene

Knitting holds us together during the worst and best of life. You know how to put into words the emotions, the feelings, the sorrows and the love we have for many of the people in our lives. Your post is a beautiful tribute to your loss, to your strength, and your love.

Bridget

Beautiful. This scarf, like life in general, contains the good and the bad. But the good will make it special.

Patty

Thank-you for putting those feelings into words. I have my Miss BB sweater that I love but never wear (drape issues). But it's what I was knitting when my Mom was sick and will forever hold a place because...she was still here. xo

Cheryl S.

It's a beautiful scarf, and I'm glad that you are able to focus on the goodness and comfort in it.

Jo

This post is so touching. The scarf is so lovely in so many ways...just like your mother. And that final touch will always be there to comfort you.

Manise

Echoing many of the comments left above. Very glad you are keeping the scarf for yourself. It will provide great comfort over time. I am very sorry about the loss of your mother. Now the FB/IG vague booking earlier in the month makes sense. Hugs to you. <3

Delia

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I'm glad that you have this scarf that she touched and that it comforted you while you knit it and it will continue to comfort you when you wear it. The love that you shared was evident in your trips to botanical gardens, holiday get togethers, and everyday life. Sending comforting thoughts to you and your family during this difficult time.

April

Beautiful!! All I have are tears...of sadness, joy, sorrow, peace.

Mary

The scarf is beautiful - and surely is the perfect way to keep all the joy and love your mom shared wrapped around you. Knitting at its best (isn't it a blessing in our lives).

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