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Friday Mailbag

6/30

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Dear New Guy:

I'm really happy you decided to try yoga (because I think everyone should do yoga).  But here's the deal. Because you plopped down right next to me (too close, actually) at Power Yoga last Monday morning, I could hear the instructor's welcoming conversation with you.  I heard you tell her, "No, I have never tried yoga before."  I heard her explain that ". . . all levels are welcome in Power Yoga, but beginners tend to find some of the poses intense and a little intimidating."  Further, I heard her tell you, "I will give options for each pose.  Feel free to move into whatever pose is comfortable for you, but you may feel more comfortable with the beginning levels at first."  She also said, clearly, "Please go to the wall for support during the balance poses until you're sure of your balance."

Dude.  I really wished you'd listened to her!  It was distracting to listen to your audible grunts and see (out of the corner of my eye) your flailing helicopter arms.  If only you'd taken the instructor's advice and just stuck with the introductory levels of poses, maybe you wouldn't have been sweating as if we were in hot yoga.  (We weren't.)  And, really.  When you nearly toppled into me during your ill-advised attempt at tree pose, I'd had it.  (Dude.  The wall.  Remember?)

I started wishing not-very-namaste thoughts in your direction.  Although I hope you'll be back to try again (because yoga - practiced at the right level - would be great for you) , I'm kind of betting you won't be.  Because it didn't look like you were having any fun.  No worries if you do come back, though!  I'll make sure to move my mat far away from your helicoptering NEXT week.

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Dear Self:

For the record, just remember that planting bulbs isn't really that bad.

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Dear Woman in Spinning:

Yeah.  I saw you back there.  Texting while spinning.  That's pretty dangerous, you know?  That's why no cell phones are allowed in class.  You were hiding in the back, but I could see you in the mirror.  It would have been sort of funny (in that schadenfreude kind of way) if you'd actually fallen off your bike.  It was close there . . . the way you slipped to the side awkwardly.  But you managed to catch yourself.  Good for you -- but I saw you anyway.

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To Whom It May Concern:

Yes, you made a reasonable suggestion.  But.  Frozen leftover Halloween candy is JUST as easy to eat as regular Halloween candy.  (Just sayin.)

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Happy weekend!

Comments

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Bonny

I have scientifically proven (by conducting the experiment on myself) that frozen Halloween is even better than non-frozen. Purely for the benefit of others (not because I love them), my research has also shown that frozen Thin Mints are the epitome of deliciousness. :-)

margene

I'm with Bonny. Frozen mint candy of any sort is THE.best.
When I took yoga there was a guy in front of me who never wore underwear...just sayin'.

claudia

The leftover Halloween candy got thrown out at my house. Radical, but effective.

Patty

Frozen thin mints are little brown slices of heaven. IMHO of course. And I so wish she had fallen off! Ding-a-ling. (But you know I'm sure that text was extremely important!!!)

Jo

You made me want to get my snark on! My yoga instructor had us do a hula type movement of the hips (probably to loosen up the torso?) and a guy in our class was moving her shoulders like an out of control gyroscope!

Geri

Frozen candy, cookies, they all have fewer calories! Yoga dude, know him well, sigh.

Mary

looking forward to more of your Friday letters. you see the humor and write about it so well. why do folks new to yoga feel like they need to show off? I'm just now getting back to my Power classes and (once again) taking it easy...and holding on to the wall.

Manise

Awesome letter! OMG, cackling at Margene's comment on the yoga guy gone commando.

Dear Self,

Garlic bulbs do not plant themselves even when you reschedule your manicure so you'd have that precious extra time to do it. They are screaming at you from the kitchen counter. Just sayin'. Get to it!

Carole

These are all great but I especially love the letter to the yoga dude.

Vicki

Haha! My mom used to buy Twinkies by the boxful and put them in the freezer... thinking it would deter my brother. Um. NO! Many an empty box (of whatever) regularly found in the freezer...

Christina

I love your letter style. I think I know that "yoga dude" but unfortunately my experience was a little more graphic and visual.

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