Dear New Guy:
I'm really happy you decided to try yoga (because I think everyone should do yoga). But here's the deal. Because you plopped down right next to me (too close, actually) at Power Yoga last Monday morning, I could hear the instructor's welcoming conversation with you. I heard you tell her, "No, I have never tried yoga before." I heard her explain that ". . . all levels are welcome in Power Yoga, but beginners tend to find some of the poses intense and a little intimidating." Further, I heard her tell you, "I will give options for each pose. Feel free to move into whatever pose is comfortable for you, but you may feel more comfortable with the beginning levels at first." She also said, clearly, "Please go to the wall for support during the balance poses until you're sure of your balance."
Dude. I really wished you'd listened to her! It was distracting to listen to your audible grunts and see (out of the corner of my eye) your flailing helicopter arms. If only you'd taken the instructor's advice and just stuck with the introductory levels of poses, maybe you wouldn't have been sweating as if we were in hot yoga. (We weren't.) And, really. When you nearly toppled into me during your ill-advised attempt at tree pose, I'd had it. (Dude. The wall. Remember?)
I started wishing not-very-namaste thoughts in your direction. Although I hope you'll be back to try again (because yoga - practiced at the right level - would be great for you) , I'm kind of betting you won't be. Because it didn't look like you were having any fun. No worries if you do come back, though! I'll make sure to move my mat far away from your helicoptering NEXT week.
For the record, just remember that planting bulbs isn't really that bad.
Dear Woman in Spinning:
Yeah. I saw you back there. Texting while spinning. That's pretty dangerous, you know? That's why no cell phones are allowed in class. You were hiding in the back, but I could see you in the mirror. It would have been sort of funny (in that schadenfreude kind of way) if you'd actually fallen off your bike. It was close there . . . the way you slipped to the side awkwardly. But you managed to catch yourself. Good for you -- but I saw you anyway.
To Whom It May Concern:
Yes, you made a reasonable suggestion. But. Frozen leftover Halloween candy is JUST as easy to eat as regular Halloween candy. (Just sayin.)