When I finished chemo (nearly 3 years ago now!) and started . . . living my life. . . there was a certain sense of . . . Newness. Freshness. Shiny-ness. . . all around me. It was like I had been polished; like whatever had been hidden beneath (from all those years of lliving. . . instead of LIVING) had been suddenly exposed. A little raw, surely, but also fresh. . . and. . . new. . . and shiny!
The colors seemed brighter; contrasts sharper. My senses were heightened. I was more aware. Of everything. And the world felt more . . . mine. I didn't want to wast a minute! I wanted to DO and GRAB and BE. I wanted to SHINE.
I really liked that feeling.
Having cancer sucked, no doubt about that. Chemo is just plain creepy and unpleasant. It is shattering to pull back the Veil of Illusion and know, deep in your bones, that your life really IS limited (maybe not now, but . . . eventually). I came out of that experience, though, with a new attitude. A sense of . . . Freedom. Appreciation. Newness. Clarity. Prioirty.
For a while, I really did live a shiny, new life. Little things didn't bother me. I was joy-filled and open to new things. I felt free-er and happier than I had in a very long time.
And, in most ways, that is still the case. But. I can also tell that some of life's "tarnish" is building up on me again. It's been long enough (and that's a gift in itself!) that I'm losing some of that . . . shine!
So I think the word SHINE started coming to mind . . . as a way to remind me of what life felt like in that first year after chemo. To encourage me to buff off the tarnish building up on my life. To let that fresh, exposed me SHINE through.
One little word.
SHINE
Shine on! A good thing for all of us to remember. If we could just learn that without having to go through the scary parts of life...
Posted by: Marilyn | 01/25/2012 at 09:13 AM
This is a beautiful post. I love it and I love your outlook.
Posted by: Carole | 01/25/2012 at 11:00 AM
We should all learn to polish our lives and bring out the shine a little more frequently. I'm off to find the right cloth!
Posted by: margene | 01/25/2012 at 02:41 PM
We get caught up in our everyday routine and we forget to celebrate the ordinary and be grateful for it! Shine on!
Posted by: Antigoni | 01/25/2012 at 02:55 PM
What a wonderful post. You shine pretty bright to me!
Posted by: Patty | 01/25/2012 at 03:44 PM
All the little stuff adds up and starts to wear you down after a while. I'm so proud of you for seeing it and moving away from it and toward the shine.
Posted by: Cookie | 01/25/2012 at 05:04 PM
love your take on the word...polishing off the tarnish. look forward to sharing the journey - shine on indeed!
Posted by: Mary | 01/26/2012 at 05:54 AM
Perfect. Great word... I can't wait to see how you shine. (You're already pretty shiny, to me!)
Posted by: Vicki | 01/26/2012 at 10:02 AM
Love the word, love the attitude, and love the scrapbook!
Posted by: Diana Troldahl | 01/29/2012 at 02:51 PM